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Anger is God given, it comes from God. It is an emotional indicator that something painful has happened or is happening and something needs to be done. Just like when I cut my finger it hurts; my body is telling me something happened and I need to take care of the cut. If I don’t take care of my cut it will get infected and I could lose my finger because I ignored the pain of the initial warning.

Our Nature-GodGiven

Every species reacts when they feel they are threatened for survival. This is built into our nature, it is a natural response to danger, real or imagined. Initially it is fear then chemical reactions take place in our bodies causing certain chemicals such as adrenaline to be released causing fight or flight responses.  Anger can be created and hidden in both responses, nevertheless, it is basic survival 

Anger

Is a  basic part of our being, just as love is a basic part of our being.

Self preservation, an indicator that something is wrong, makes us feel as though we are in danger, physical or emotional, real or imagined.

Is a God given tool that when used as intended can be quite useful  in this world.

Can be an emotion, action, or response. 

Can have a demonic spirit. testimony….Dr Balanger’s book Pigs in the Parlor.

How we respond as humans, because we have much more complex moral and emotional issues that animals don’t have, is what makes us human and also makes us like God.   

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image , according to Our likeness”… Gen 1:26

How many of us feel like we’ve been living in survival mode for most of your lives? Each day we survive in a hostile world. This constant survival mode keeps anger very close to the surface. Practicing reliance on our creator God himself can in all situations insure a positive outcome.

Anger is a response to one of the following things being threatened.

  • Personal worth
  • Essential needs
  • Basic Convictions

On a separate sheet of paper:

1) Write down how the above three things are affecting your life today.

2) Of the two Natural responses, which is your first reaction

3) Write down what your first reaction would be and what it would look like.

For example: “ I shut down because I feel as though I am powerless to change the situation so why even try. This would fall under the flight response. I am Very vocal sometimes I explode then after I feel shame for the pain my words have caused.

Goals

Our goal is to be able to use anger as the God given tool as it was meant to be, instead of letting anger control us in its various forms. 

Discover the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger. Studies have shown how anger, negativity, and stress cause many physical ailments.

Develop and practice different healthier anger responses. Meaning review how you express your anger now, and come up with a plan on how to better deal with it. 

In any situation we have two choices: stand and deal with issues, and situations which we perceive are causing or creating the anger emotion, or we retreat and withdraw. How we do this will either help or hinder us and our relationships.

We can run from confrontation and aggressive anger, weather that means shutting down, silent treatment, or simply removing myself physically from the situation. This is the flight response. This response did not help because we remain with anger that develops into resentment and the issue that caused the situation does not get addressed with. We can

Stand and deal with the issue, fight response, if this is done aggressively it causes additional anger and resentments because things can be said and done in anger that a person never intends to do.

Examples of healthier responses.

Aggressive/Passive- If someone is attacking you physically fight back and get away.

Assertive/Passive-If someone is attacking you emotionally stand up for yourself, and remove yourself from the situation.

Responding with aggression, by shouting, arguing, and the like; fight response, only brought more aggression, anger and resentment.

Responding with passiveness, avoiding the issue, shutting down or physically removing myself from the situation resulted in more anger and resentment.

Always being in response mode and not  processing anger usually results in harm either to yourself or someone else; and in the midst of our active and untreated addictive behavior we are usually in a reaction/ survival state all the time, we are unable to process emotions in a Godly manner that is the way God intended.  How to deal with or not to deal with anger,  is the question, in simple reaction mode, we experience very negative results, because we are not using our God given powers of reason, and logic, in our thinking, or even further our ability to employ our ability to be  even when we have the best intentions at heart. So how can I respond to anger and not aggravate the matter? The problem here was I was asking myself how to handle situations, actually reacting, not even using the brain God gave me to process anger. This resulted in black and white thinking good v. bad, right v. wrong. Then rather than reacting I began to evaluate how being in reaction mode made situations worse and resulted in bad behavior either way.  than even asking myself rather than going to the source. GOD. He created it all, me, my emotions, my circumstances and situations, when I look to him for guidance  is when. As it explores in the text what we learned from our families about anger were often simply wrong or distorted.  Just like when we put on our make-up if the mirror is foggy, or scratched we cannot put on or fix our face right, it’s the same with anger. Looking at what we already know is like actually putting on our face with No mirror. When I finally began to ask Him how to deal with it all, is when things finally changed.  My grandma used to say “If you want something different you got to do something different,” and for me doing something different was seeking and doing things God’s way instead of my own or what I had been taught. 

Pick the person closest to you and write how anger has played a role in this relationship, and how you would like it to be in the future.

For me that would be my Mom

My Mother and I have both communicated our anger in different forms: aggressive, assertive, and passive, each one had different results and through each one I have learned better and better what works and what doesn’t, each way of dealing with your anger has its rightful place depending on the situation. I have learned usually a combination of these results in a healthier response than before.

Examples of healthier responses.

Aggressive/Passive- If someone is attacking you physically fight back and get away.

Assertive/Passive-If someone is attacking you emotionally stand up for yourself, and remove yourself from the situation.

Chapter 3

What practicing all these different responses taught me is it did all boil down to as it states in chapter 3 We just need to be loved. When I finally let go of seeking love and approval from my mom or any other human being is when my anger issues finally took on a new meaning.  As humans we can never love or be loved by one another perfectly as God loves us.  His love is what will heal.  

Three basic steps to start with everyday anger

If you were set on fire, a firefighter would tell you to stop drop and roll.

Stop- Take 10 deep long breaths and Ask God what is causing the anger, Personal worth, basic convictions, or Unmet needs. This will help you… 

Drop- The emotional response and think what will help make the situation better. That emotional response usually comes from pain and fear and is a reaction to how we already deal with anger. Wait till your first response passes then…

Roll-apply a new response than you normally would, out of God’s love for you.

When you practice dependence on God and his love you are no longer dependent on others for your personal worth, basic convictions, or unmet needs.

Personal Worth

You are God’s precious child. No matter what anyone says thinks or feels towards you you are God’s masterpiece.  Psalm 139:13-16

Basic Convictions

I believe I am right! What are the convictions that you are defending? God is our defender. Psalm 18 1-6 

Unmet Needs

God will provide for all your needs Philippians 4:19

He will provide for all your needs. Unmet needs

Most of us come from dysfunctional homes. As children we had no control in our family of origin. When chaos surrounded us, threatening our physical, and spiritual well being we could only cower over the powers that caused the abuse.

  • Our God is the God over chaos.

 In the beginning the earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep. Gen 1:1 

Formlessness and darkness are described as chaos in many translations. No form implies no structured chaos of the cosmos I like to call it. Lol

Exercise:

Write down the earliest memory you have of what you would describe as chaos.

seasonstherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/What-Causes-Anger.pdf

http://www.innerhealthstudio.com/anger-management-worksheets.html

ibr.tcu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/TMA05Aug-Anger.pdf

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